"There is nothing more evocative, more beautiful, more holy than a penis in motion, ready to ejaculate, bringing joy and blessing too..."
-- Mom's Friend

"Taoism, too, like traditional Chinese medicine, views seminal fluid and vaginal secretions as essential life force, or 'qi.' The suggestion offered is oral sex; i.e., through fellatio and cunnilingus, the life force that is lost is absorbed by one’s partner."
"In the Halachic perspective, however, masturbation is not a sin of sexual depravity (Ervah), but a sin of murder (Retzichah)."
-- http://kvetcher.net/2009/01/2418/breslov-war-on-masturbation-spreads-to-jewcy/

"Jesus wants you to make love; when you make a penis erect think of Him. When the semen rushes into you, feel the presence and the power of Jesus. Love the penis as you love Jesus. Love His semen for it becomes part of you and blesses you."
-- Rev. X in "A Founding Document", on why a girl should be proud to display traces of semen on her body and why a boy should take pride in his erection and never be modest or shy. ("For boy to put his penis in a girl's mouth and ejaculate there at her invitation is a touching act of divine devotion and human romance.") This was quite consistent with David Berg's admonition to his disciples. Berg, like Rev. X, told girls to swallow semen, likening the practice to partaking of semen from Jesus' 'golden rod'".
http://www.xfamily.org/index.php/Golden_seeds

The first of the above quotations would suggest that Mom's Friend's sexual theology forbidding masturbation and mandating oral sex as foreplay owes more to Chinese and Hebraic antecedents than to fundamentalist Christianity. That Mom's Friend insisted 100% that her boys be circumcised suggests a further link to Hebraic sources. But her main argument is that the act of ejaculation into a girl announces the actual presence of Jesus, and the semen, the True Host of Holy Communion, is the DNA and the body and the blood of Jesus. (There were, and are, also compelling medical reasons: http://tinyurl.com/o2dnbv .) Semen is precious, sacred: it is not, as the late Dash Snow pretended (he used semen to make art), either art or part of art. By performing the sex act in the presence of family and friends one witnesses and evangelizes for Jesus. The Children of God taught (as Mom's Friend and others have told me) that the girl was, symbolically and theologically, taking the penis of Jesus into her mouth whenever she fellated a boy in faith. Mom's Friend followed that teaching. Masturbation, on the other hand, is denial of the sacredness of semen and the reality of Jesus: it is blasphemy and abomination, also desecration of the DNA of Jesus; here Mom's Friend rejected David Berg's "reinterpretation" of the Onan rule. It should come as no surprise that the distinction between "caressing" as foreplay and "masturbation" tending to bring on or accelerate the moment of ejaculation contains a philosophical conflict. Generally the conflict would be resolved by limiting manual contact with the penis once it was stiff: the hand was to be used to direct the penis into mouth or vagina, for manipulating the scrotum and for touching other parts of the man's body.

During the time, when I was 14 and spent a lot of time in the company of the 16-Year-Old Boy I got to see the circumcision of a friend of his who had to get circumcised before he could have sex at Mom's Friend's House. I have to tell you that for a guy with a mature, big penis it's a big deal. http://bit.ly/cu7jL The 16-Year-Old Boy, as longtime readers may recall, was Mom's Friend's nephew and nobody dared ask why I violated the 10% age rule with him. He did have a super penis, and I learned a lot from watching how his friends' penises were manipulated by girls a couple of years older than I was. Mom did say at the time that the most gorgeous penis of all is the 16-year-old one, that "it's all downhill from there, although the slope may be gradual". Well, maybe.

How this plays out, with minimal manual stimulation and reliance on lips and tongue to bring on ejaculation in the girl's mouth is shown in the 1-minute clip yielded by Googling '2633539298'. If there was a constant at Mom's Friend's House in terms of imagery it was this: a girl with a penis in her mouth, her mom and perhaps the boy's sister looking on, the girl eager to please and trying hard to equate love for Jesus with love for penis. And at the end, with the semen swallowed, the girl hugged and helped into position for the boy to kiss her vagina. And then, the vagina dilated, to put his penis inside.
The point, for those who see oral sex as Holy Communion, is that ejaculation enables the girl to receive in her mouth and to swallow the body and blood of Christ through DNA brought down through the ages. The boy, similarly, receives communion through the girl's vaginal secretions; and both should share their experiences afterwards through deep kissing. None should be wasted: the girl should retrieve spilled semen lest Onan's sin be repeated. Mom had told me and shown me, especially in the months leading up to my own coming out, just how deliriously happy and yet vulnerable a boy will be in the moments that he is ejaculating into a girl's mouth -- and how hypnotic and arousing and inspiring the sight is for those watching who share our faith and open-mindedness. It was at the same time that she taught me about puberty and how to judge when a boy's or a girl's development readied one for sex, how big an erect pubescent penis ought to be before a girl responded to it as an invitation. And, most importantly, how prepubescent girls needed protection from predators and why same-age, consensual sex was the only appropriate kind. There is nothing inconsistent with deeming abuse and rape the most evil crimes and yet consensual sex between adolescents a thing of the greatest beauty and sensuousness. Puberty, and eagerness for sex, are perfectly natural phenomena born of age-related hypothalamo-pituitary-gonadal activity. http://tinyurl.com/m7undb To suppress desire is not only unnatural but a harmful perversion.

The most important and memorable times of my growing up was the day I realized my boobs were attractive to boys and could arouse them; and then again when I took a penis into my mouth for the first time, at age 11-1/2, and realized that I was in total control and that when the penis ejaculated and gave me semen it was because I had made it do that. At that point I became, like so many girls of my age, fixated on boy's penises -- only because I lived in communities where nudity was common I could easily play out my fixation. Moreover Mom thought it grand when she would find me in a pose with a boy having an erection. I quickly learned that it delighted her if I fondled a boy's penis before introducing him to her. And, like almost all the mothers, she loved to see me with a penis in my mouth and semen on my lips. Indeed, a girl who reached puberty and did not right away begin to play with penises was out of place. There were girls who would resist, but not for very long. I think by age 14 nearly every girl had "come out". These pressures to conform, and to exhibit one's sexuality and indeed one's orgasm led to other things. The sexualization of our evangelism could yield subtle expression, like our semi-nude sextet, girls in bikinis and boys in tight swimsuits playing (mostly classical) music, sometimes for hire. And beach volleyball. Here is where Mom's Friend's House met mainstream sexuality: sexual intercourse did not have to be expressed, it could be innocently implied in just the way that mainstream culture does. And with the same result: inducing boys and girls to have sex early. And, in our case, to associate it, to associate orgasm and ejaculation, with Jesus.

Defloration promptly at puberty -- the piercing of the hymen and the mingling of holy semen, blood and vaginal mucus to be witnessed by family and friends -- and frequent sex thereafter do honor to girl and boy and to the central role of semen, hymen (and menstrual) blood and vaginal mucus ("love fluids") as forces of life and faith. The innocence and yet eagerness of the girl, seated at the end of a bed with her legs apart, her back supported by cushions, as the boy approaches her and offers his penis to her mouth is beyond description. This ceremony alone accounted for many mothers bringing their sons and daughters to Mom's Friend's House, typically a couple of years before puberty. And I cannot overstate the importance of the girl's mom or older sister or experienced friend being there to encourage her, to reassure her, to see that she has confidence when she touches a penis for the first time, brings it to her lips, puts it in her mouth. She has to know that everybody watching loves her and wants only the best for her, and that she is doing what is natural and right. Above all, she must want the penis inside her, want its semen, want to make love then and forever. A girl with live semen in her body is a girl in tune with Jesus and destiny. There is, said Rev. X, no sight more divine than a girl with semen in her mouth and her vagina, just a trickle dripping from each, with the boy whose penis put it there standing beside her. For the girl, coming out, defloration, should be a planned event, and not just because it takes more than a month for her birth control pill cycle to complete: for her the piercing of the hymen is the culmination of romance. For the boy on the other hand, first sex should be, as Mom's Friend said, serendipitous. Whatever the state of development of his penis, so long as he meets the qualification of some pubic hair, if he feels ready, if he has a ready erection, a girl's holy obligation is to encourage and excite him, and to receive his semen, a lot or a little, in return. It was not just Mom's Friend who said that: with my Mom's encouragement I spent our whole year on the Houseboat, and time before and after that too, seducing pubescent boys and, in the process, getting close to Jesus. It was Mom who taught me, when I was just 11 and as soon as I had boobs, how even smallish, developing boobs could work their magic and help make a boy's penis erect.

(But early defloration must be consensual, wanted: the girl must feel a need for sex born of religious devotion, of faith. The boy must follow the girl's lead, and must assure her climax. Sexual abuse is a social, moral and physical catastrophe. http://bit.ly/2FPegM (in England, one-third of girls are said to have been sexually abused by boy friends).)

I was a joint sociology-psychology major in college. My senior thesis tested the hypothesis that sexual liberalism reduced aggression, angst and antisocial conduct on the part of adolescents. I found this to be true, with a surprise finding that it also reduced unwanted pregnancy, the latter probably through unfettered access to birth control and the ability of teens not only to talk to their parents but -- at least in the subculture including the kind of fringe sect that encompasses Mom's Friend's House and the like, the ability of mothers to watch and to guide and to protect sons and daughters as they make love. The most protective of parents were those, in fact, who made love in front of their children. Their children would learn that orgasm is not a conquest but an essential tranquilizer and a sharing emotion.

When my team and I studied the motivation behind the sexual activity of adolescent girls who had sex three times or more a week with six or more partners a month, we found that it was not so different from that of other religious girls who did not have sex: Catholic girls who attended Mass frequently, Orthodox Jewish, strict Muslim, strict Hindu girls, the latter three in a sort of Purdah. And when we compared, say, religious-based promiscuity to Southern Baptist girls who went to church every Sunday but who had intercourse multiple times a week with multiple partners, we found the satisfaction level higher with the Mom's Friend-type girls. This may well have been because access to orgasm was assured through the bilateral oral sex coda under Mom's Friend's Rules. Suffice to say, progressive religious practice improved the outcome of and the satisfaction derived from sex and made it a positive, moral experience instead of a negative, "sinful" one.

While my Mom had always encouraged me to see her and her lovers nude and to watch her from a distance play with a penis, as I approached puberty she wanted to show me more exactly how and why an exchange of orgasms could and should be shared. And, specifically, how important oral sex was, and that no girl should have any anxiety over taking control of the penis and bringing it to maximum excitement and ejaculation in her mouth. She had me sit in a chair right by the bed, and she told me to take off my nightgown so that I could see my own body and others could see it too. (I am reminded of Terrific Girl, that night when I put the sleeping boy's penis in my mouth to see if I could make him ejaculate without waking him up, and Terrific Girl and Older Girl let their nightgowns fall to the floor and Terrific Girl's breastlets and her pubic mound were there in the moonlight promising "sex not yet, but soon".) Mom and her lover disrobed and I saw Mom's big breasts and the triangle between her legs, and I saw her lover's penis and his testacles. There was no shyness, no embarrassment, just smiles and anticipation. Mom's partner looked at me, at my body yes, but at my thoughts too, and he said nice things which I took to mean (although he was too politically correct and probably too worried that Mom might take his comment the wrong way) that since I had at least some pubic hair, never mind my smallish starting boobs, the rules would allow me to come out even now if I liked and if I found the proper boy and the proper penis. Standing over me, his penis sticking out, he did say -- reassuringly under the circumstances -- that "lots of boys will want you" and I should take care and keep safe, and "make sure it's [the penis of] a boy your own age that enjoys your body". Then he turned to Mom and his penis bumped against her and she giggled and they began fondling and kissing. This was to be my final lesson in sex education. He and Mom seemed to be meaning: "follow the bouncing balls". "Watch the penis" -- for after all when the princess kissed the "frog" in Grimm's fairy tale "The Frog Prince" what she really was kissing was the prince's penis. This is how Mom explained the fable to me when I was a little girl, and it made sense to me then as it does now. So when I would see adolescent girls with penises in their mouths, it was frog princes that would come to my mind. And of course that was my destiny as it is every girl's: to search for that perfect penis, kissing as many as necessary along the way and leaving a bit of me behind and sharing a bit of Jesus each time. 

There had never been any doubt for me even in my earliest childhood that when I grew up the I would have fun with penises and that I would put them in my mouth to make them erect and that they could ejaculate either there or in my vagina, at my choice. And that Jesus had ordained it this way.

Now Mom took her lover's penis into her mouth and rubbed its head with her tongue and moved the penis in and out and licked it all over and made it hugely stiff. I couldn't take my eyes off of it. His balls were a bit loose, and that was nice because more commonly the scrotum is shrunken and the balls tight against the penis, and it isn't as nice to watch. To see the penis in Mom's body was not at all intimidating; instead it looked like what it was: bearer of pleasure and testimony to faith. Once the penis was fiercely stiff Mom and her lover moved onto the bed with Mom below and his penis again in her mouth and his tongue sliding up and down the slit of her vulva, licking her clitoris and sliding into her vagina. And I could see that Mom was rubbing just the tip of her lover's penis with her lips and tongue, maintaining a constant pace. The two of the looked really grand because the penis was the hand of Jesus. It took a long time, or so it seemed, for him to come and then Mom's mouth filled with semen and I could see her swallow most of it. And now the penis was out of her mouth and it shriveled to half its size. And still her partner kept up rubbing her clitoris with her tongue until, suddenly I heard Mom's usual noise of orgasm, moans I was used to and had come to appreciate. I could see her vagina very wet with saliva and dilated, and the sheet was wet. Mom made her partner move around, and she stuffed his penis, now half-hard, into her vagina and I saw it, so lovely, moving in and out with its balls waving. Until he either ejaculated a second time or just got tired, I couldn't say. He rolled over onto his back as to go to sleep, but Mom pulled him towards her and made him kiss her, made him share with her the taste of semen and vaginal mucus and romance. Then and Mom and he fell asleep. 

The light was still on and I got curious so I looked closely at the penis and at Mom's vulva and then I put my nightgown on and went to bed. I know most girls, girls in conventional society, don't think much about the beauty of penises, but I did: that penis was circumcised and gorgeous, even then before I had ever touched a penis it seemed to promise joy. What Mom had long told about the penis being a proxy for Jesus and an source and a target of pleasure for boys and girls with pubic hair controlled me. 

(Pubic hair was itself precious, something to show off, and it was in Mom's Friend's House something girls never shaved. More than once when we were new at Mom's Friend's House Mom pointed to groups of naked boys in their mid-teens around the swimming pool asking me if didn't agree that "their penises looked lovely against that pillowy black pubic hair". On one of those occasions I told Mom to pick out her favorite and I went over and without much resistance engaged that boy in sex, positioning our bodies so Mom could see his penis from behind as it moved in and out. One of my girlfriends sitting in a chaise longue drew a sketch for Mom from that same angle. I still have the sketch pasted in my diary; in it the balls are master of the penis and the penis is master of the vagina, and it is gorgeous. As Mom pointed out, that angle is the best to watch from to watch semen leaking out and that's important if you attribute religious significance to that, as we do. She was glad that the boy thought of those watching, adolescents, younger kids and a few mothers, so that when his penis came out of my vagina after ejaculating he stood up, took me by the hand and showed off to them both penis and my labia by as a sort of homage to Jesus. I remember this boy in particular because he spent most of the rest of the day trying to teach me how to ride a unicycle. There was a tradition if not a rule at Mom's Friend's House that a boy, so long as his semen remained "live" inside a girl, thus the rest of the day, had to accompany and entertain her to her fancy. A reasonable and a nice custom, I should say.) 

I couldn't stop staring at the little slit at the top and I watched the man's balls as they moved about in his scrotum and I knew that when my breasts grew just a little bit more and I had more pubic hair I would love oral sex. (That little slit had fascinated me ever since I was quite a little girl and Mom had taken a penis out her mouth to show it to me, the head all covered with semen, and to explain how the semen had got there. And she always had that poster of Louis Abolafia on her wall, the poster of him and his penis, and she often admired it and asked me if I didn't think it was nice. http://snurl.com/louisabolafia ) The next morning Mom's partner had gone to work and Mom told me how cunnilingus made her vagina big and lubricated, separating her labia to try to show me what she meant even though it wasn't that way any more. (And as I've said in virtually every essay I've written, it's the key to a girl's orgasm: http://bit.ly/rcbwV ). As soon as I was 13 or so and ready to come out, she said, a penis, even a big one or one that wasn't fully hard, should slide right in. Mom also said that after I did come out we could make love next to each other on the same bed, she with her partner and me with mine, and that such double sex is a double blessing, an orgasm and a half. I have to say that never did I feel closer to Mom spiritually and emotionally than in later years when we lay alongside each other and her partner's penis and my partner's penis slid in and out of our respective vaginas; and then we took those penises into our mouths to taste the semen and to taste our own vaginas and it was delicious, the two of us still in the throes of orgasm.

Over the years I've discussed this event with just a few trusted girlfriends from school and college and I have to say they are almost all shocked. I think such a thing could only happen in a family that is sexually liberal and open on account of religious belief. And even most members of the CoG never encountered sex ed on that level -- although certainly many or most encountered abuse. That said, zillions of children all over the world not excluding the USA sleep in the same room as their parents, sometimes in the same bed, and their parents have sex and it does them no ill. And hundreds of boys and girls grew up at Mom's Friend's House and at similar communes and they are well adjusted despite, or perhaps because of, a frank exposure to lovemaking -- and to the faith that sexual arousal, erection, orgasm and ejaculation are manifestations of God in Christ. And that participation in such Holy Communion is a matter of right from puberty on. But whether a girl is from our ethic and knows almost from birth that she will want and love to have control over penises and that ejaculation into her mouth is a blessing, or whether it is her peers, long after puberty, who lead her to oral sex or even if it's a boyfriend who urges her to take his penis into her mouth, the first time her mouth fills with semen will be a life-changing, and probably a spiritual event. I knew when I swallowed my first mouthful of semen that the body and blood of Jesus were becoming part of my body and that spiritually. I was now part of His congregation in a way that baptism and prayer alone could not accomplish. 

(At Mom's Friend's House, few girls or boys, visitors or residents, could escape the peer pressure to have sex, and formal coming out parties aside, the entry level was usually oral sex. I often engaged a girl in conversation about her experiences and sought out accounts of their first time. By guiding a girl to those parts of Mom's Friend's House where kids were either nude or nearly nude, it was never very hard to contrive for an attractive boy and his penis to be in a girl's personal space, for the girl to be -- through constant chatter and support and the amorous goings on around her --  
to be made receptive and perhaps aroused while the penis became erect and, in due course, willing, perhaps eager, to have the penis in her mouth and bring it to ejaculate there. Commitment to "abstinence" is a very weak barrier to "going all the way", and so-called "promise keepers" are particularly easy to seduce given the right surroundings. The penis need not penetrate the vagina that first time, but once the girl has had semen in her mouth and swallowed it, even if she deems herself still a virgin, she will certainly allow the (or a) boy to kiss her vagina and put his tongue into it, and to bring her to climax with mouth at clitoris. And once on the cusp of orgasm she will have an urgent need for the penis to enter her vagina, pierce her hymen and fill her with semen. It is one of the most beautiful sights. And for those of us who equate flirty fishing and seduction with evangelizing, it is also a religious duty. And to see her mouth filled with semen and a glow on her face that reflects the sight of Jesus is the greatest reward I could hope to experience. Interestingly, getting girls to open their mouth for the penis and to follow instructions to rub its head and underside with tongue and lips always met less resistance than getting them to be comfortable with boys playing with their breasts. Or, for that matter, spreading their legs for a boy to kiss their vagina. Only after their first orgasm would they become fully committed and ready to take the initiative as Mom's Friend taught her girls to do.)

What Mom couldn't have known was that it would be less than a year when I would come out, and that it wouldn't be planned but an accident, and she wouldn't be there to see it. It would be the first and last time I would have sex alone with just a partner until I went away to college. (Admittedly that statement assumes the truth of Bill Clinton's presumption that oral sex is not "sex". On the houseboat if Mom wasn't about there was nobody else it was safe to invite to watch; and if she wasn't there I only had oral sex.) Until I was 16 I would always ask Mom if it was all right, inviting her to watch, if she was there. That protected me, as no boy would take advantage with others there. And Mom was always nice to the boy, almost always saying how attractive his stiff penis was, and she said that even if the boy was shy and working hard to keep it stiff. Mom might ask me whether I planned to have the boy come in my mouth or whether my plan was for a vaginal ejaculation. In either case, she might leave the room but she would time her return appropriately, either to see some semen trickling down my chin or to see to it that the boy gave proper attention to my clitoris when he was kissing my vagina. She almost always got back in time to see the boy feeling the delight of the first spurt of semen and she would usually hug and kiss him once he'd finished. But her real aim was to see to it that I had the best possible orgasm. Mom knew that I rarely had an orgasm without a lot of oral foreplay and she considered it her duty to see to it that no boy shirked his duty or became impatient with me if I didn't respond to his penis and his tongue quickly enough. Mom might herself be nude or not, it didn't make much difference. A few times she would come back pulling a boy by the hand, and she would almost always have him standing there naked, so the first thing I would see after finishing with the boy at hand would be this new boy and his penis. Mom wasn't trying to send my current boy any signal as to his inadequacy; on the contrary she was suggesting that there might be a lesson there for the new boy. And also that I should take an advance look at his penis. She knew that I especially liked penises of a certain profile, where the head of the penis is nice and round and wider than the shaft with a sort of ice cream cone effect. She sometimes called such a penis the Trylon and Perisphere; I don't know why since those are completely different but it had something to do with irony or poetry. Anyway, every boy at the two houses knew that he was unlikely to have sex twice in a row with the same girl; that wasn't part of the protocol so there was no point in being disappointed or resentful. If it happened otherwise it was usually because there was no other girl to switch with at the moment, and we were restricted to one single partner in any 24-hour period. In effect, once I touched a boy's penis for the first time that day it would be 24 hours before I could touch another boy's. There were exceptions and there was some cheating, but that was the general rule. It tended to keep the peace even in the face of occasional jealousy. And in a certain sense it also preserved our reputations from allegations of promiscuity, always a matter of definition and in our case bundled up with religiosity.

Just as I would ask Mom's approval for sex, once we moved to Mom's Friend's House I always made sure, at least the first time I was with a boy, that him mom knew.  And, implicitly, that she had a chance to watch. More often that not it was Mom who would tell her. Mom liked the introductions before the boy and I went off into the garden or, in winter mainly, the recreation room. The boy and I would be in our underwear and Mom would ask rude questions about the boy's experience and his penis. She loved to find out if the boy and his mother had paid attention to his coming into puberty, if she'd measured his penis, taken photos, how they'd decided when to begin his sex life, and so on. Mostly boys had heard it all before so however surprising it may be to outsiders they were OK with that kind of questioning. If this was to be the boy's first time the questioning was more delicate of course. Either way, at some point I would take my bra off if I was wearing one, and then I (it was almost always me and not the boy or his mom) took off the boy's underpants, and then my panties. And we would show off our bodies; maybe I would play with the boy's penis there and then. I liked to escort a boy to the backyard with his penis erect. Escorting such a boy always makes a girl feel important. And wanted.

I saw in my diary an account of one of the first times we had such a conversation, Mom and I, a boy and his mother, shortly after we'd moved into Mom's Friend's House. I was 14 and the boy must have been the same. By now the two of us were nude and the boy had an erection. Mom told me to sit further forward on my chair and spread my legs a bit more and she told the boy how nice is erection looked. Something about big erections and small boys, and how she couldn't wait to see his penis "in Carol's vagina" but first she hoped we'd spend a lot of time on foreplay because his penis and my vagina "deserved to be kissed a lot". The boy's mother interjected that the erection was obviously "a compliment to Carol's body and doesn't she have lovely boobs". "A tribute to Jesus, those two bodies", Mom said. We did spend a lot of time kissing each other's sex parts, and the result was that when the boy ejaculated there was quite a lot of semen, and I was able to get even more when I put his penis in my mouth afterward. His mom said it was a beautiful sight to see him have such a fantastic orgasm so early in his sex life. I thought that all orgasms were fantastic and that relativism pertained to other aspects of copulation but I let the comment go. The boy's mother mentioned that she had had him circumcised at Mom's Friend's insistence when he was 11 and that now that he was sexually acive, and also that she had had more experience with circumcised men herself, she appreciated the difference. Mom pointed out that Jesus was circumcised, and that his circumcision in the temple had been quite an event. So being circumcised made a boy more like Jesus, as well as making his penis better looking and nicer for girls to take in their mouth. As if to prove the point I had the boy stand in front of me and I put his penis in his mouth. I don't know which of them was the more excited at this, the boy or his mom. Then we went started to go off onto the lawn. Mom stopped me, however.

Mom said that the boy had been staring at my boobs for half an hour and it would be a pity to hide them from him so why didn't we do a "table dance". It seemed like a good idea so I went over to a picnic table, sat on one end and had the boy work on my vagina and clitoris with his mouth. After about ten minutes I felt really read and then, when climax was coming over me I had him put his penis in. Mom and his mom came over and they could see the penis going in and out and my breasts jiggling a bit. And Mom told him that when he was ready to come he should try to ejaculate at near my vaginal opening. That would validate Jesus's presence. All four of us got really excited when it happened. He took his penis out and it stayed stiff for a couple of minutes, standing there all wet and sticky and lovely. Then he addressed his mother, "Mom, are we going to see you kissing a penis today?" When his mother answered that no man had asked her yet, the son laughed and said that could be arranged. In the evenings there would be suitable men around, and for any mother who wanted a penis to make love to there would be a partner.

The boy's mom retaliated for his rudeness. She said "Remember when you came out, when you had maybe one pubic hair and a 5-inch penis and we saw you with your penis in the mouth of an 11-year-old girl with pubic hair but no boobs? And after that you couldn't stop and your penis was everywhere all the time and you always had an erection? And now that your penis is big you think you can tell me when and where I need one? Mom's Friend took one look at your penis and said she didn't think you were ready for sex, but you'd already boinked half the 11 and 12 year-old girls and they didn't seem to mind." The boy answered back, "Mom, with your boobs you could have any male person in this place putting his tongue between your legs and begging you to take his penis in your mouth. And as far as I've seen, size has never been an issue for you as long as your mouth gets filled with white stuff." The two of them laughed and one would have thought the story was over, but the boy was back alongside his mother later in the evening to see her making love, to take note of he penis she kissed and that went inside her body.

That kind of banter was common enough as between brothers and sisters at Mom's Friend's House. But even then, at age 14, such chatter between a boy and his mom seemed strangely Oedipal to me. What I did know, because I had learned it as part of our Catechism, if I can borrow that word, is that the holiest sight is penis in motion in vagina ready to ejaculate. And that it is a signal shame that society has not followed biology and that, in law as in religion, we are told to hide the event from those close to us. I can cite a signal illustration of this: the three brothers, a year apart in age, each of whom, with their mother and two brothers watching, I made first love to on his 13th birthday or soon before. The younger brothers, when they were watching, seem hypnotized by the sight of the penis in my mouth and then again when it slid into my vagina and began pushing in and out. I think that's the best kind of sex education, because when the boy had ejaculated I could explain to the others the principles of "safe sex" as well as the religious significance of puberty and of semen. The first boy, in fact, I met at the First House, and we stayed in touch with the family and introduced them to Mom's Friend's House when we moved there. There was a slight violation of the "!0% Rule", but anyway that rule was often enough bent into a 15% Rule for practicality's sake.

The Oedipus issue did not, of course, arise when it was the father and not the mother who was sponsoring the boy. In that case, Mom liked to contrive a tandem tryst, her with the dad and me with the son. There is nothing more delicious than a boy having his first sex in tandem with his dad -- mom and I being the respective female partners. But it takes some preparation: advance planning as to whether the ejaculation will be oral or vaginal, what to do over false starts to prevent the boy feeling inadequate if his dad gets carried away and continues his intercourse with Mom, and so on. Where it was an older sister or other relative sponsoring the boy there was no issue at all: generally she would be rationally and reasonably excited about the prospect of her brother's penis going into action.

Mom, like Mom's Friend, could always be counted on whatever the situation. Sometimes Mom would point something out to the boy and, if she was there, his mother or sister or other sponsor. For example, she might say that I had prolonged the boy's orgasm and increased his ejaculation by teasing the underside of his penis with my tongue, or that I had timed the strokes of my mouth to the normal rhythm of his ejaculation, which was true. But the main point of her being there, especially for boys under 15, would be to make a lesson of his kissing and licking my vagina. He needed to know that if there was any blood it was a normal and holy thing, and he had to be prepared to taste his own semen when we kissed after sex. Some boys would hesitate to kiss me after they ejaculated in my mouth or after I put their penis in my mouth when it had ejaculated in my vagina. That makes no sense since semen and mucus and blood are equally and integrally representative of the body and blood of Christ and to reject them is blasphemy. There was unlikely to be any such hesitation if a second boy was on hand; the power libido combined with the Holy Spirit meant that both were prepared to do anything to please me and to satisfy Mom's critical eye.

The nicest "boy-devirginizations", though, were sponsored by the boy's older sister. She would usually have a partner with her, and they might go first, her brother being able to see exactly what was expected of him, how to deal with ejaculation and so on. If Mom was there she usually would not get involved other than to nod approvingly from time to time. Nobody is happier over a young boy's first ejaculation into a girl than his sister. I knew most of the girls well enough, and they knew me, so that issues of shyness and trouble with erections would always be finessed. In the end every boy whose penis went into my mouth had some kind of orgasm. While the first ejaculation is ideally vaginal that too can be finessed: I had 24 hours to accomplish it and that's plenty of time to arrange it so that a boy, newly proud over his ejaculation in my mouth, newly confident, has an erection stronger than ever, strong enough to complete vaginal sex even with minimal foreplay and lubrication. How much semen he would produce the second time was irrelevant, although ideally we should be able to see some of it: what some people call a "cream pie".

After my first year of sex we lived on the houseboat owned by her then-boyfriend and we often had sex in tandem, or else I just fellated pubescent boys I found on the docks and seduced, and only sometimes did they perform cunnilingus on me in return. There is nothing that brings a mother and daughter closer than for the two of them to be side by side, each with a penis ejaculating into her vagina. I was and am surprised sometimes how easy it was to convince boys to undress and make love to me with my Mom and her boyfriend alongside. Sometimes boys seem to have scarcely noticed, other times my constant chatter distracted them; always their libido won them over. In any case, Mom's way of holding and applying her mouth to a penis was so romantic and sexy that it's hard to imagine any boy or girl of 12 or above not wanting to copy her with oral sex -- in the boy's case, having his penis kissed and loved and his semen desperately wanted.

Regular readers will recall that a before I came out I had the experience of masturbating a boy. Masturbation was common at our First House just the way it was at the Children of God. It was only Mom's Friend who said that God and Jesus forbade it, based on the story of Onan. I had come into a room and a boy was sitting in a chair playing with his penis and he looked at me, cocked his head in a certain way and then looked down at the penis he was fondling. I stared at the penis and realized he was inviting me to touch it. I found I couldn't rub it without lubrication and I wasn't ready to put it in my mouth the way I had seen older girls do so I went to the bathroom and got some vaginal lubricant and masturbated him. (For what it's worth I never saw vaginal lubricant at Mom's Friend's House -- she always said that the only "proper lubricant" is plenty of saliva from kissing a vagina or a penis.) It hadn't occurred to me that the semen might come out with such force and so while I was staring at the slit and the penis stared back at me, and as I continued to rub it, it suddenly erupted. When I told Mom about it she'd already been told by another of the mothers who'd walked in on us. Mom lifted up my T-shirt and said that I was almost ready, and that if I wanted to start just with oral sex I could do that now, or I could have vaginal sex with a not-so-big penis but the boy would have to bring me orally to the cusp of orgasm first. I was surprised because always before she had talked about my starting sex at 13, never younger. I was embarrassed and didn't answer; later I was sorry because it would have been nice for Mom to be there for my first real penis. They didn't have defloration parties at the First House, but still mothers and friends were usually there for a girl's first time with a penis. 

Mom was, after all, the person I loved and respected the most in the world. And, after years and years in the Children of God, as a lobbyist seducing politicians and those in power, traveling all over North America to seduce such people who could do favors for the Church, she knew more about men of stature, and about their penises and about making love and about semen then most women. And her open sexuality and her regard of sex as an instrument of religion she passed to me. So when I saw her, and her friends, Mom's Friend among them, smiling with semen dripping from their mouths with tongues and with penises pushing at their vaginas, women "sharing" themselves, their bodies, their mouths, their vaginas in the David Berg sense with the aim of propagating their faith, I saw romance, passion, faith, truth and beauty. I saw orgasm as the affirmation by God in Christ that Mom was doing His work, and I wanted to share in that just a soon as I could, just as soon I had breasts and pubic hair, just as soon as boys my age would want me and I would want them. Until then I felt safe with Mom, and the for me the knowledge of how my sex parts would work when they were ready, that knowledge protected me. And the traces of dried semen on Mom's face, her breasts, her pubic hair -- these were her badges of faith and witnessing and proof that Jesus was with her.

A few months after that, in the same room, I would be wrestling with a boy. He got an erection and somehow he fell on top of me and his not-so-big penis slid into my vagina. At the time I thought it was an accident; later it occurred to me that the only way his penis could have been so perfectly aimed was on purpose. Anyway my sex life started on that day and I have never looked back, although it was a pity Mom was not there. She would have loved to see that first penis sliding into my vagina, and she would have seen to it that I had a chance at orgasm too. Still, within days I'd lost all hesitation and false modesty and found that I liked nothing better than to mingle in the nude with boys. And I got the courage to put penises into my mouth, and more importantly to take the initiative and arouse a boy of my choice and give him an erection and make his penis mine for a day. The penis had become my friend and my link to Jesus, semen had become Jesus's blessing, and orgasm had become an evangelical tool -- a way to bring boys close to Jesus and get them to work for Him.

How boys came out was, as I've mentioned elsewhere in this essay, quite different from what girls did. That's partly due to girls' need to deal with contraceptive pills but it's also due to differences in attitude towards sex and their relationship with their mothers, the latter being especially true at Mom's Friend's House. I wrote in my diary about 15 years ago what one boy told me. His Mom had taken him to live at Mom's Friend's House when he was a toddler and she had fled the CoG, and after a year or so, as was typical, she'd found her bearings and got work and moved away. She would visit in the summertime and she and her son would use the pool and other facilities. She did not enforce nudity at home, but at a certain point it occurred to her that her son was developing sexually and she told him she thought his penis was growing and, against some slight resistance from him, looking into his underpants and liking what she saw, she brought him to Mom's Friend's House. The pool was closed for the season and he did not voluntarily go to the areas of the House where kids would normally be nude but my friends and I, experts at penis spotting, surrounded him. A 13-year-old with big boobs and no bra took charge and while talking to him wound up stroking his penis through his clothes and after that leading him down to the recreation room. His erection gave her authority to undress him and play with his penis. And once undressed herself, his mouth gravitated first to her breasts and then, with help from her, to her vagina. She moved her head around and kissed his penis and in due course she and he were in the missionary position and he ejaculated into her vagina. She then accomplished something I know is a challenge with a just-devirginized boy: getting him to lick her clitoris with his semen still in her vagina in order to bring her to climax. I describe other cases of boys coming out and frankly the stories are of a kind: mothers or sometimes older sisters wanting their sons and brothers to make use of their newly-big penis and drawing them into an environment where sex is inevitable. I know dozens of cases, not excluding Bristol Palin, where a boy and a girl were encouraged to spend nights together in a sleepover, often enough with the specific intention that they should have sex.

Mom's Friend's faith, like David Berg's before her, has been accused of "penis worship". That is unfair. Religion has always had sex, and implicitly the erect penis, at its center: the elephant in the room, unavoidable even if in mainstream religion one tries mostly not to speak of it, "confesses" in secret to a priest. To the girl it is the erect penis that is significant. And for us, the penis that is erect is in a holy state and the boy's partner, his girl for the day, acquires status, glory, from having made it erect willingly or inadvertently. The sight of an erection is, thus, never intrusive, always welcome; attention must be paid to even an incidental erection. This is the reason that Mom's Friend would take pains to gush over a pubescent boy's, or even a small boy's, erection. It is what made Mom's Friend, and my Mom, able to tell girls that "going all the way" is something every girl and boy with pubic hair should take for granted and that the boy-talk of an unsatisfied erection, an erection without ejaculation, being harmful to his health was only part of the truth: it is harmful to the girl's health too, her emotional and her moral and religious health, most specifically. There are natural reasons why adolescents' thoughts are fixated on the penis and on breasts, and it is only through orgasm and the gift of semen, through the sating of natural sexual needs, that we become whole and remain undamaged. Our sexual health depends on this. It is perfectly normal for boys and girls to cavort nude at puberty, to flirt and to make love spontaneously. I was 16 before I found out that boys often suppress erections in public and more than once I surprised a boy by telling him that was nonsense and that I thought erections should be flaunted, that girls liked to see them.

Interestingly, we did not often encounter erectile dysfunction even in those pre-Viagra days (towards the end, it became known that some boys would use Viagra as "insurance", especially if they were on show at a girl's coming out party). (The New York Times recently had an article on this, albeit aimed mainly at older men: http://bit.ly/on8Ik .) The fact is that a physically healthy penis can virtually always be made erect by being stimulated in a girl's mouth. If the boy has properly kissed and licked and lubricated with saliva a girl's vagina and if it is dilated from that, his penis can be stuffed in, or halfway in, even if it's hardly stiff at all and in my personal experience it will always get erect at that time. Apprehension goes away when success is on the horizon. I came to suspect that whether we knew it or not in most cases the day before a coming out party the two mothers would get boy and girl together, have them undress and on the (usually false, since they would have been swimming nude in the same pool for years) assumption that they weren't already familiar with each other's sex parts, let them look at each other and even touch each other. I think the real point was to make sure the boy could and would get a nice erection. 

From time to time a mother would express concern to Mom's Friend about her son perhaps having an erectile problem and Mom's Friend would address the issue face on. I've seen her ask the boy to take his clothes off and then to ask for a volunteer girl on the spot. I never hesitated: I would just undress and start to play with his penis and usually make him ejaculate into my mouth, show the semen to anyone who cared to look, gladly swallow the semen and present the boy's erection to his now-proud mother. If on the other hand boy or mother wanted to see penis in vagina, the boy would have to spend some time at cunnilingus but the end result would be the same: he would ejaculate, but into my vagina, and I would then stand up, hold my labia apart, and wait for some semen to drip down. In either case it was unlikely that the boy, or rather the mom, would have a further issue -- and this was true irrespective of the size or state of development of the penis in question. Although a relatively immature penis might not produce enough semen to show off I could usually coax a drop out of it at the end. Or else I would just take the penis back in my mouth and testify to the taste of semen. 

An erection, then, is always to be celebrated. When I was living with Mom at the houseboat it became obvious to me that what Mom really proud and delighted was when the boy I would be introducing her to had an erection. From then on I tried to contrive it so that boys always had erections when I presented them to her, and I kept that up when we moved to Mom's Friend's House. At our nude dance parties it was a challenge for me to keep my date's penis in a state of arousal as much as possible. It's just so lovely when your boy is standing there with his penis upright and you introduce him to someone and he isn't bashful or embarrassed in the slightest. Even today, when I'm nude with friends I like to play that game. Mom's Friend, of course, would never let the erection go unnoticed: she would even say sometimes, when I was in my teens, such things like, "Oh, I see that drop of joy juice at the tip of your penis, it looks delicious!" And of course the sight of a sticky penis or drying semen was always an opportunity to mention its link to Jesus. 

Somehow I think this summer's alumni reunion at Mom's Friend's House will be the last opportunity for me to show off a partner that way. It will be the last of its kind now that the House is closing and was sold because of the collapse in value of Mom's Friend's trust fund coupled with the graying of the generation of those single mothers, refugees from the CoG, and other sects and communes who once largely peopled it. (In economically better times, when Mom's Friend's trust fund let her be generous to refugee single mothers from sects and cults and communes, she was sometimes accused of subsidizing seduction and "buying virgins to deflower". I never looked at it that way, and I suspect an element of jealousy there, even among the beneficiaries of her bounty.) I will be there with the Blond-Haired Boy, and I'm sure he'll have an erection. Whether Mom can be there to see it is problematic, though. She's in a nursing home now; her illness has made it difficult for her to function. If she can't come it will be a terrible shame; above all she has been at the side of Mom's Friend as an advocate for sexual liberalism, for sex as theology, for ejaculation as testimony to and for Jesus. And for erection as a statement and as a witness to God's presence and His promise. That erection was so easy and so welcome at Mom's Friend's House whether or not it would lead to a sex act sent its own message.

Importantly, the fact that sex acts at Mom's Friend's House were public with friends and family looking on and having trysts of their own made erectile dysfunction practically a non-issue. And its counterpart for girls, frigidity, was equally improbable, although the fact that girls substantially outnumbered boys concealed, or made irrelevant, that issue. (Girl-dominated sex clubs are all over the place today: http://bit.ly/rpjxG .) Normally after a girl or a boy came out she or he would be inundated with dates for weeks. Older Girl, when she was scheduling such things and managing the nude dance parties, would arrange it so that the girl's next date would be there, having sex himself, at her previous assignation. The result would be that she would already have seen his penis close up, erect and ejaculating and he would have seen her "sexual style" and the way she handled a penis, especially with her mouth. There is in my experience nothing that makes a boy so urgently want to make love to a girl soon than to see her with some other boy's penis in her mouth and then to see the traces of semen on her body whether on her face, her breasts or her thighs. 

Still, mothers of girls often worried about how things would be on their coming-out day. Nothing, most thought, would be more devastating then if the boy could not penetrate her daughter's hymen with his penis on the day because it wasn't stiff enough. It would be the height of embarrassment for both. That leads to the obvious question of whether the girl would still be a virgin if there had been an (un)dress rehearsal beforehand. As a result when a practice session took place -- without the penis penetrating the girl's vagina but very possibly having been in her mouth (and we don't know whether it would have ejaculated there or not) -- this was kept secret. The guests would hope to see blood on the penis at the defloration, and although that didn't always happen every mother wanted to hope for it and every mother wanted to present her daughter as a virgin being deflowered on her day. Most mothers therefore chose as consorts a boy whose penis they had seen erect and in action and not virgin boys, but there were exceptions, mothers who thought the sight of two fumbling virgins was something special. Mom's Friend once explained to me that it was important for the girl to take the penis into her mouth at the start of the session: this would put aside any apprehensions on her part. Her experience with the penis in her mouth meant that after the boy had kissed her vagina to a state of orgasm he could put his penis in without her offering any fear of the unknown. Rarely did a mother have to say anything at that point; but of course being on the verge of orgasm would itself would create an urgent need on the part of the girl to have the penis slide in. This is something I can testify to after thousands of orgasms and many hundreds of penises.

So in most cases the mother would watch a prospective boy having sex with several girls and decide that he would make a good partner for her daughter's first time. On the day he would enter the bedroom where her daughter had been placed, nude but demure, at the end of the bed with her legs apart. If he was young, say 14 or younger, he  would wait on the threshold while his mom pulled down his underpants and showed off his penis to everyone there. And then he would walk over to his girl and put his penis in her mouth. He would spend a long time kissing her vagina and licking her clitoris, until the girl would tell him to stop or would make the